I’ve been quiet lately. Trying to take some things in and deal with them. I went to the gyn on Monday for my test results and to have an ultrasound done of my female parts because I have extremely heavy bleeding and somethings arent right. Well my lab work showed that i’m pre diabetes and I have to start seeing a dietitian to get it under control so I don’t end up with full blown diabetes.. I’m still trying to deal with this and accept it. I really dont have a choice in the matter do I? I have to deal with it and I have to accept it. I go to the dietitian on Friday. The dr said they’d give me a monitor and i’d have to monitor my levels for awhile. I’m so not looking forward to it. Anyhow the ultrasound showed my uterus is 3x the size it should be and that I have a fibriod. They want to do a hysterectomy but I can’t afford it. My deductible is 5000$ and I don’t have that kind of money right now. Then ontop of all that.. My eye glasses broke when I took them off at the drs office. I had to go get my eyes checked so I could get new glasses.. I’m so stressed out. I feel emotionally maxed out completely. I don’t even know where to start right now.. I’ll just be glad when Friday is over with because right now I don’t know what to do… The doctor told me to stop weight watchers that it wasn’t a good plan for me. She didnt tell me what a good plan was.. Just told me to stop weight watchers and go see this dietitian she referred me to. So until friday I have no game plan..
Posts tagged health
Let me tell you a story…
About last year.. Last year I lost 20 lbs by exercising and watching what I eat. I did it on my own. No weight watchers or anyone to back me up. I worked my arse off and I did it. I dropped a pants size. Probably could have dropped two but was too chicken to try on a smaller size. My bra was too big as well as my shirts. I felt good! I had energy. I was exercising 2 times a day 3 days a week. I had energy and my moods were much better than they are now. Somewhere in there I stopped. Self sabotage I guess.. I slowed down. I said I’ll do it tomorrow..
That mentality took over. I had no one but myself to own up to and I was already letting myself go. I said,” I can do it tomorrow” and tomorrow never came. It got worse and worse and I started putting the weight back on. First 5 lbs. Then 10. Then 15. Then 20.. The weight I had worked so hard to lose I gained back. My pants were tighter and I went back to my previous size.. Do you have any idea how lousy I felt? I had no one else to blame but myself!
I’ve always been told that you won’t do it until you are ready.. I thought I was ready before. What happened? Burn out? I just gave up. Its like I hit 20 lbs lost and thought,” hey I did it.. I proved I could now it doesn’t matter” Was I at the weight I wanted/needed to be to be healthy? NO. Not by far. I still had a long long way to go. So what happened? I don’t know what happened. Life got busy. The holidays hit. I’ve got a long road of excuses. I was tired. The less I exercised the more tired I was. I couldn’t get back with the program..
So fed up here I am again. What’s different? I have to lose the 20 lbs I had already lost is what’s different. Do you know how that feels? Its like cleaning the toilets again 5 minutes after you already did it. Its like washing the same plate over and over again. Its no fun! I joined weight watchers to help me “own up to it”. I know I can do it with out weight watchers. I’ve proven that once but the weekly weigh in really helps me. When the scale moves I feel great. When it doesn’t move I feel lousy but keep going. I haven’t had a gain since I started doing weight watchers. I have had it not move though. Just once. Weight watchers gives me the motivation that I need to keep going. I mean 1-2 lbs weight loss a week tells me,’see you can do this next week too.. Just keep going”.
How am I going to avoid burn out again? I’m not sure. Maybe the weekly weigh ins will be a push to keep going. Or the emotional turmoil gaining that 20 lbs back did to me before. We’ll see when we get there. Right now I’ve decided I have to do this for me. So my first goal is to lose the 20 I had previously lost. Its aggravating because I could have been on my 2nd 20lb goal had I just followed through.. The key is to dwell on the here and now and not the past and what has been. Right?
Healthy You Challenge
I joined the healthy you challenge today. I needed some extra motivation. An extra kick in the ass if you will. You see the button on the right. That belongs to the challenge.. If you haven’t already give it a look.
Today I didnt write anything down. I didnt go overboard or anything and if I add it all up i’m fairly certain I didnt go over my points as I didnt eat breakfast this morning. I know thats not a good thing! Tomorrow I shall have breakfast, lunch, & dinner with snacks in between..
I did manage to walk my 2 miles today. With a bum knee thats pretty good.. Up until today I haven’t been able to make 2 miles because my knee would ache so badly after one.
Anyhow.. I joined the challenge for some support and motivation. Hubby isnt supportive. If anything he is a big downer and on weigh in days pouts like an ass.. i’m going to work extra hard this week. I’m trying to build my knee back up. The more I exercise the better it actually feels.. I just have to do it slowly.. But i’m going to get back on track tomorrow with my eating and stay that way. I’m tired of feeling so down in the dumps about it all and beating myself up. The best line i’ve heard in a few weeks is “its just food!”
Remember!!!
ITS JUST FOOD!!!!
exhausted. Must keep going
I had a bad weekend! I was Off plan most of the weekend. I prepared for it and saved my points up and used them but I still feel horrible and let down. Who let me down? I DID! I’m the guilty party..
We had a party at girl scouts meeting and had pizza and cake. I had very small piece of cake. I did control my portions but I still feel guilty for having pizza and then cake. Here 2 days later the scale still does not show a weight gain. Infact it shows 2 lbs less than it did on weigh in on friday. I so hope this doesnt bite me in the arse. I also didnt work out on saturday or sunday. I did an extra mile today though. I hate feeling guilty and let down when I did it to myself.. BLA!
So far so good
Today has gone well.. I had breakfast and lunch and a snack.. Did my work out. Only got in 20 minutes today because dh is home. I don’t work out if he is here ever.. He isnt very supportive.. I’m getting nervous about weigh in on friday. I hope it goes well!
When I say dh isnt very supportive, I mean he isnt supportive at all. He says I just need to bust my ass or work harder. Oh and then today he suggested this miracle dr who gives a shot and a pill and the weight just falls off.. I think i’d rather stick with weight watchers
Hello world!
I’ve started this blog to have an journal/log of my weight loss journey. I’m currently doing weight watchers and following a walking routine to lose weight. I started weight watchers 3 weeks ago and I’ve earned my 5lb star. I weigh in on fridays so we’ll see how it goes.
Last week I lost 1lb exactly. The week before that I didnt lose anything or gain anything I stayed the exact same. The week before that I lost 4.2 lbs. That was a great week! We’ll see how this week leaves us!
Tosha
