About last year.. Last year I lost 20 lbs by exercising and watching what I eat. I did it on my own. No weight watchers or anyone to back me up. I worked my arse off and I did it. I dropped a pants size. Probably could have dropped two but was too chicken to try on a smaller size. My bra was too big as well as my shirts. I felt good! I had energy. I was exercising 2 times a day 3 days a week. I had energy and my moods were much better than they are now. Somewhere in there I stopped. Self sabotage I guess.. I slowed down. I said I’ll do it tomorrow..
That mentality took over. I had no one but myself to own up to and I was already letting myself go. I said,” I can do it tomorrow” and tomorrow never came. It got worse and worse and I started putting the weight back on. First 5 lbs. Then 10. Then 15. Then 20.. The weight I had worked so hard to lose I gained back. My pants were tighter and I went back to my previous size.. Do you have any idea how lousy I felt? I had no one else to blame but myself!
I’ve always been told that you won’t do it until you are ready.. I thought I was ready before. What happened? Burn out? I just gave up. Its like I hit 20 lbs lost and thought,” hey I did it.. I proved I could now it doesn’t matter” Was I at the weight I wanted/needed to be to be healthy? NO. Not by far. I still had a long long way to go. So what happened? I don’t know what happened. Life got busy. The holidays hit. I’ve got a long road of excuses. I was tired. The less I exercised the more tired I was. I couldn’t get back with the program..
So fed up here I am again. What’s different? I have to lose the 20 lbs I had already lost is what’s different. Do you know how that feels? Its like cleaning the toilets again 5 minutes after you already did it. Its like washing the same plate over and over again. Its no fun! I joined weight watchers to help me “own up to it”. I know I can do it with out weight watchers. I’ve proven that once but the weekly weigh in really helps me. When the scale moves I feel great. When it doesn’t move I feel lousy but keep going. I haven’t had a gain since I started doing weight watchers. I have had it not move though. Just once. Weight watchers gives me the motivation that I need to keep going. I mean 1-2 lbs weight loss a week tells me,’see you can do this next week too.. Just keep going”.
How am I going to avoid burn out again? I’m not sure. Maybe the weekly weigh ins will be a push to keep going. Or the emotional turmoil gaining that 20 lbs back did to me before. We’ll see when we get there. Right now I’ve decided I have to do this for me. So my first goal is to lose the 20 I had previously lost. Its aggravating because I could have been on my 2nd 20lb goal had I just followed through.. The key is to dwell on the here and now and not the past and what has been. Right?
Tosha
Felicia said,
June 10, 2008 @ 8:40 pm
Welcome to the Healthy You Challenge!!
Have a wonderful week!
*huggles*
=0)
slenderella said,
June 10, 2008 @ 8:46 pm
Hi there! Welcome to HYC!
I know your story. I’ve lost the weight a couple of times and gained it back. It’s very frustrating. But at least we’re tackling it again and not giving up. We must look ahead to what can be. Best wishes.
Jane said,
June 10, 2008 @ 8:56 pm
I totally know how you feel! I’ve been toying with these 10 pounds for over a year. I struggled through a plateau to get them off, then I self sabotaged and put them back on… now I’m fighting them again. I just keep thinking that in all the time I wasted, I’d be close to my goal weight by now. I saw this quote and it has helped me with this:
“NOBODY CAN GO BACK AND START A NEW BEGINNING, BUT ANYONE CAN START TODAY AND MAKE A NEW ENDING.” ~ MARIA ROBINSON
Best of luck to you! I’m cheering you on!
Stephanie said,
June 10, 2008 @ 9:19 pm
I know exactly how you feel. Ive suffered burn out on more than one occassion. I can look back at my journals and see times where I was doing really well and then slacked and gained all the weight back. Im just starting up again myself (the same 20 lbs) and I know its hard but just think – you did it once with no help! Imagine what you can do with all the tools and support you have now! Just take it one day , one moment at a time and you will get where your going before you know it.
Dianne said,
June 10, 2008 @ 10:43 pm
Hi fellow newbie,I have 50 lbs to lose….I plan on taking time in the mid afternoon to read peoples blogs….Have a great week…
Julie said,
June 11, 2008 @ 12:45 am
Hey there! Like everyone else, I can totally relate to your story. I’ve done that before and you’re right, it’s very frustrating. The good thing is that you want to get back to it and move on now! That’s really great and you’ll find a lot of support from everyone in the Healthy You Challenge! Welcome to the group.
Oh and by the way, I love your blog format! It’s so cute!
Cammy said,
June 11, 2008 @ 5:39 am
So many of us have lived through that weight loss cycle–again and again and again. You’re right: it doesn’t feel good. The good news is that you HAVE done it before, so you know you can do it now. More good news is that you’ve joined a great group of people to help you stay focused, through the up days as well as the down days. Welcome to the HYC!
Roaring Lioness said,
June 11, 2008 @ 6:00 am
You’re right, you must focus on the present. And you can day-dream about the future too, about how you’ll look and feel when you’ve lost those 20 pounds. But there’s no point chastising yourself for something that’s happened and which you can’t go back and change. You’ll just beat yourself up and feel worse about yourself, and with a low self-esteem it will be difficult to lose. It’s hard to lose weight when you feel crappy – I know from bitter experience! I’ve joined the HYC this week and one of the things I’m going to focus on is feeling positive about myself and my weight, whatever is. The more I feel good, the more I’m going to act good. That’s the theory, anyway
Kitzzy said,
June 11, 2008 @ 8:48 am
Welcome to HYC!!
Sorry to hear your story but it is great that you are trying again and now you have all of us to help motivate you. So here is my story (the short version).
What worked for me was the Couch to 5K running program (http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml). Before that I always said “i am not a runner” and didn’t even try. This time was different and after I walked a 2 mile race and sprinted to the finish I decided I wanted to be a runner. That was about 10 weeks ago and now I am about to run a full 5K for the first time on Saturday. I feel amazing and I actually LOVE running. It is like a drug. It is so empowering that I am motivated to do other exercise as well and actually feel like something is missing when I don’t get out there and do something.
Janet said,
June 11, 2008 @ 9:48 am
Hi! I’m new to HYC, too AND like you, have been “here” before losing “these” pounds before. I say, stop looking backwards. It won’t change anything and will just make you feel bad. Don’t think of this as a “diet” but as taking care of yourself. I’m trying to slow down and enjoy the food I do eat, trying more recipes, savouring how it tastes rather than cramming it down (like I usuall do- lol). I’m finding that I’m actually enjoying my food MORE following WW. I’m hoping that this time it will become a lifestyle and I won’t self-sabotage myself again. We’re worth it, right?